I am writing this right now - not so much to open up a venue for arguing a point with which you may or may not agree. Especially since I suspect my perspective on this topic may be a bit controversial to some. But more so I am writing to share
with my friends and family a personal revelation that I am realizing is less
personal and more universal. It may be obvious and it certainly isn't something I
haven't considered before. But as my wife and I make steps to pursue a transition
that will relocate us to a different culture and people group in a country far from
home, I am discovering again that at the very core of my being, I was made for one thing - connection. Not just I, YOU. But not just you. Everyone.
This is particularly fresh in my heart as I am writing my thoughts from a plane on
the way home from a nation that considers itself atheist. The nation is not aware
of its need for God - not aware because to most God is
nothing more than a fictitious character that Christians use to comfort themselves and scare others into doing what they want. Church is a waste of time…religious activity that binds people
to a stiff set of lifeless rules. Morality is determined by a relative truth that leans towards what makes one feel good at any given moment.
This sorta poses a problem for a person who feels called to plant churches/communities, make disciples, and expand the kingdom. I can hardly expect that at the announcement of my arrival, droves of people will suddenly be shaken from their spiritual coma and beg me to introduce them to Jesus. “Please, American Christian. All these faithful men and women who have sowed into our nation and laid down their lives so we could hear the gospel have been wasting their time. They have tried to plant churches and help us see our need for Jesus and we didn’t want it. But now that you have arrived, we suddenly see it…we need Jesus and want to go to church! Please start one so we can come to it!” Hardly.
So what do I do? What gospel do I bring to a nation that isn't looking for a God it
can't see, who doesn't want to go to a church it doesn't need, that has no moral
compass for truth? This past weekend, while sleeping on the couch of a family who I have absolutely fallen in love with, I had a dream. In it, I was sharing in another language from a passage in 1 John 4 that says…" no one has ever
seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected
within us." On the surface, this passage seems disconnected. Two thoughts
wrapped up in one statement. It’s like the writer had ADD and lost his train of thought. What does physically seeing God have to do with
being perfected in love? These types of passages catch my attention because there IS a relationship – the mystery, though, only belongs to those who will seek it out and embody it. In the dream, I explained my vision for reaching the nation. I explained to the family that I was about to give them an opportunity for a face to face encounter with the most High God and that they should prepare themselves to see Him. They asked how I would do this and my response was profound…I will love you and not quit.
I have rediscovered this week that for a nation who
cannot see God, being perfected in love is the very key that will unlock hearts and unveil eyes that have up until now been unable to see the glory of God. True, undefiled love,
reckless and shameless, righteously jealous for truth in the deepest parts of the
heart, messy, fearless, agenda-less, unapologetically aggressive love. This deep, intimate
connection if embodied by a human is equivalent to a face to face encounter with
God Himself. Sounds like heresy, right? But I believe it wholeheartedly. It’s all throughout the Word if you look for it. This love embodied in a man, it opens up eyes and heals hearts and imparts life where there has only been death. The cure for an atheist nation who cannot see God forces believers
outside the boundaries of church planting and traditional missionary work, beyond
evangelistic outreaches and conferences and into whatever place where
meaningful connection is best developed - a living room, a bar, at the park, In a
classroom, or at an office. If it does not meet the need for connection on some
level, then I would venture to say it is not truly valuable - to either the recipient or
the giver. I know, that's a big statement. But as I read the Word and travel the
world, I am finding that success and fulfillment in every realm of society – including business and education – is
birthed in an environment that makes connection its highest priority.
Whether a teacher, a government official, an
entrepreneur, a pastor, a mother, or a student...the places where impact is felt the
most are those where one individual deliberately exposes himself to the heartache
that comes from the potential for rejection... and then dares to connect. Seth
Godin in "The Icarus Deception" calls this interaction "art".
I'm concerned that the structures of our society which were intended by God to be
built upon the value of connection and therefore providing a face to face
encounter with His very being - have become convenient places for us to hide
from the vulnerability that “art” insists we embrace. We could debate the definition
of true love in its human expression. But that is not so much my purpose in
writing. Rather, my point is to simply say that when embodying and expressing
perfected love is our chief priority in everything we do, God comes and abides in
us, and His glory consumes us in a way that ministers face to face God encounters
to those around us. And THAT is a pure gospel that changes lives!!!
What does it look like? A simple answer would be Jesus. He was love. But I think
we would all agree that this simple answer is far more complex than we can
fathom. God in a man is a mystery. But what I've learned over the past ten years
since that fateful day when I asked God to perfect His love in my heart is that
there are some core characteristics of "art" that stand true regardless of
personality, culture, religious persuasion, time, or context. They model God's
pursuit of us and are also the vehicle through which his love is delivered by us to
one another. There is one cure for those who cannot see God and it must be
embodied by humanity in order for it to be injected. They will know us by what? By our love. It may take some time, but I have observed that
few have been able to resist the power of connection - of perfected love – when it is extended with no agenda for self gain.
I have decided to create a list of lessons I’ve learned about developing connection that have come from some of the most painful experiences of my life. In my opinion, these are the substance of what is necessary for success, no matter where in life you choose to apply it. I believe you will make more money, have more friends, impact more people, have a more powerful ministry, and a more healthy marriage if connection becomes a priority in your life. I know...I know…bold statements. As my butt falls asleep on this plane, I am pondering whether or not I believe what I am about to write…and I have come to the conclusion that I think I do. This list is not in the slightest bit complete or fully developed. And I am being intentionally extreme in the way I communicate it. That’s just me. It’s how I roll, so please don’t be offended:
1. Messes cannot be avoided and must be embraced. When we are more afraid of
making a mess than we are of developing connection in what we do, we lose our
passion and zeal for life. We flat line and become indecisive, lacking motivation to
pursue our destiny. The only remedy for this is making lots of messes.
How we deal with our own failures is a benchmark for measuring how much
connection we are willing to pursue. The fear of making a mistake cripples our
vision and encourages a paradigm for life that seeks to gain control of whatever
unpredictable elements are present within our lives. Because people are
unpredictable, our desire for control will destroy the opportunity for connection. If you want to connect, you have to be willing to get messy. Sometimes the hardest messes to endure are the ones we have ourselves created. But when we learn to embrace those messes, we discover that what seemed to be a devastating failure, God was able to make into a miraculous success. My closest friends have been my messiest relationships.
2. Our desire for connection requires that we be willing to be rejected. The
vulnerability that comes from extending one's heart to someone else without being
able to control whether or not it will be regarded as valuable is often the litmus
test for whether or not connection will be developed. It’s easy to share something that is deeply personal to you with someone that you feel confident will respond to you the way you want them to. But to take a risk and open yourself up to the criticism, judgement, and rejection that others may offer…this is an entirely different matter. To give away the vulnerable parts of your heart takes courage. But what point is there in making art, if you have no intention of sharing it? Love demands expression.
Vulnerability, by definition, means to have no defenses. Zinzendorf said, “I have resolved in my heart to never defend myself again.” Can you imagine how freeing that would be? I’ve found that individuals who are confident enough to live without defenses, are not only the safest people you will ever meet, but they are also the most attractive and most dynamic people you will meet. Again, Jesus is our model. Go get rejected, feel the sting of being denied…and then choose to love and trust again in an unjaded and vulnerable way. The ones who retreat after being rejected and refuse to trust make loneliness and mediocrity their companion.
3. Connection is aggressive. It initiates. It doesn't wait for a perfectly safe
environment to present itself before offering its art to another individual. A person
who values connection and therefore reveals God is willing to bear the reproach
that comes from accidentally stumbling upon hidden wounds and insecurities that will indeed provoke an emotionally violent response from the recipient. A
willingness to deliberately BUT GENTLY pursue these fragile places will produce many
opportunities for meaningful connection. Often times, a stop sign that says "don't
go there" is really a way of saying "I'm scared you won't love me if you see who I
really am. But if you are still here when I'm done swinging at you, I'll want you to
hold me." Usually, breakthrough is just on the other side of a fist. Unfortunately, a good remedy for a person who struggles to be aggressive is a black eye.
4. Embrace confrontation. As a culture, we have been taught to avoid confrontation. That it’s a bad word and should be seen as a negative thing. God, however, intended for confrontation to be a liberating experience that is positive, sought after, free of shame, and even celebrated. I am convinced that when done well, the recipient and the one doing the confronting are able to feel life, joy, and a greater sense of intimacy from addressing whatever issues have been brought to the surface. And who doesn’t want greater connection with the ones we love?
To fear the truth is a result of the fall. Something happened in our spirits that wounded us to the reality that the one who is Truth is the one who loves us unconditionally. So when we are afraid of the truth, we are also afraid of love. God is both and cannot be divided. I have learned that far more damage is done to a relationship when healthy confrontation is avoided than when it is embraced. Many times, in the middle of confronting a certain issue, I have gotten a glimpse into my own heart and have found myself being convicted and repenting to the person I was confronting. This is to be celebrated, not avoided. Now if only I could believe that when I am in the middle of it.
4. Decide you won’t quit before you start. Connection is the fruit of a heart determined not to give up. If you wait until you face opposition to decide whether or not you are all in, you will lose. Decide before you begin whether or not it’s worth it to you connect and then determine to die before you quit. Connection is painful and your ability to love will be measured in relationship to your willingness to feel pain. Count the cost ahead of time, and once you have, abandon yourself to the process!
I’m sure there will be more that I will add to this list. But time and time again, I have been privileged to participate in the process of
ministering an encounter with God to an individual - whether saved or lost -
through merely loving them in the ways I mentioned above. This week, I was
given the chance to watch that encounter bear fruit that bridges the gap between
both cultural and language barriers. And it solidifies in me what i have always felt
- that at the end of the day, all I really have to give anyone is my heart. But my
heart - when perfected in love - is all that it takes to reveal God.
I’m going to move to the Czech Republic and I might plant churches. I might develop some
sort of discipleship equipping center. I might start a house of prayer. I might join a Czech church and serve the vision that has already been formed. Actually, it's likely I will do all of these. But I
am determined to this end - I will not pollute another nation with a form that is unable
to host encounter. The art of my heart will be sincere and meaningful, heart to
heart connection, and a willingness to let God perfect His love in me.
